The Hindu Business Line : Spellbound and speechless!

MOST will agree that the greatest gift India got from the British Raj is the English language. From Rabindranath Tagore to Srinivasa Sastri, from R. K. Narayan to Arundhati Roy, we have produced masters who have carved a niche in the English literary world.

Legend has it that Sastri was once asked in London to speak on the subject of "Nothing", extempore. "Nothing is Great Britain without India", he began and then it was a virtual cascade as he drew a veritable picture in words on the theme.

Recently, California-based Indian American Anurag Kashyap won the US National Spelling Competition. The 13-year-old bagged the 78th Scripps Howard National Bee Competition by correctly spelling the word "Appoggiatura", which means `a short note placed before a longer one'.

Another Indian American, Samir Sudhir Patel, had to settle for a tie in second place. The 11-year-old from Texas, the youngest participant in the final round, lost the Championship for misspelling "Roscian".

English spelling is tough to crack, as it does not always conform to phonetics. Often the way words sound and are spelt are different.

Knowledge is pronounced "nolij" and charisma is "karisma". River Thames is pronounced "River Thems", Warwickshire is "Warikshire". Salisbury is "solsbery" and so on. Imaginative teachers give tips on correct spelling and usage.

My English teacher in school would say that "marry" has a double `r' as it needs two to marry and "bury" has one "r" as one dies alone, normally.

We often see the definite article "The" placed before Parliament, which is wrong. To remember it, my teacher would say "don't ever put "fire" to Parliament, because "The" sounded like the Tamil word thee, meaning fire!

Native speakers, unfamiliar with the sophisticated, impeccable English pronunciation may suffer social embarrassment as they would sound funny when heard.

Spelling English words the way they are spoken is a hilarious exercise that various linguistic groups across India indulge in. "Kustmer issatisfaction grantteed", a signboard at a Punjabi motor mechanic's shop greets you in New Delhi. Translated, the words are "Customer satisfaction guaranteed"! My raddiwalla, ( one who buys old newspapers by weight), a sardar, would often assure me with the words, "Saabji, whet kreekt hoga" (only correct weight, sir).

"Candeen closed due to Good Fryday", was a recent announcement in front of a food joint run by a Malayalee, in my locality in Delhi.

"Plaatfarram ticket is now five rupees", cried my octogenarian uncle the other day, referring to the recent price rise by the Railways. "Gandhiji was an `annikee' personality", he would often say, meaning, "Gandhiji was a unique personality".

"Gupta's Stationary", proclaims the signboard of a friend's shop selling school notebooks and other accessories. Guptaji, if you want your stock of articles to move out of your shop, please write `Stationery'!

"Garam plasam," repeated a former central minister while reading out "germ-plasm!" from his prepared text.

Tailpiece: Pillai and Panicker, from Kerala, who landed in the metropolis during World War II, tried their hand at many businesses, but failed in all their efforts.

Finally, they decided to start a pharmaceutical shop that promised roaring business because of flu, malaria and other diseases rampant at the time.

They named the shop, using parts of their names — "Pill and Panic." They could never figure out why what should have been a sure-fire success flopped!

(The writer, a former Deputy Editor with PTI, is a New Delhi-based freelance writer. Feedback can be sent to rajamani_rc@yahoo.co.uk)

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