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FOR more than 48 hours, the authorities have been going over our office with a fine-tooth comb, looking for client records that are being destroyed. It usually happens this late, as the movie cops who come after the last bullet had been fired skipping its mark as usual, and the hero had missed the villain one more time.

But we had two clear weeks to set things in order and had engaged the cleanup professionals `TidyTrail' who had just returned after removing the last trace of blood on carpets and walls of a hotel room — where a shootout had taken place between underworld gangs. Only, this time, they had more offbeat ideas.

The first thing they threw out was the shredder, not wishing any Andersen fate. The next was the dustbin that went down the chute since they didn't want the staff to mix important papers with roti foils and sabji leftovers. `You're limiting our options,' our partners yelled, but the `tidy' chaps had other ideas.

A rudimentary one was to prepare one-sided scribbling pads, using the white space we could salvage from working papers. Next, we brought bucketfuls of water from the bathroom to soak in incriminating evidence. Allow 12 hours, they advised us, before turning the pulp into shapes. `Such as?' we asked. Try hand-held fans, mouse pads, letter trays, foot rests, lampshades, gods and so on, they suggested.

The less skilled ones in the office set about preparing paper napkins for use in the lunch room, replacing all the tissue there. The finer documents, especially the minutes of meetings which ran into hours at no end, are kept rolled in the commodes.

We have also paid a fat fee to a chef from Chinatown to develop a recipe using coloured sheets from audit documentation. In the recreation room also, you can see innovation; the new TT balls bounce less. We replaced the curtains and sofa-covers too.

Office coffee is laced with laxatives and they have cut off the water supply for the toilets.

hindubusinessline@hotmail.com

D. Murali

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