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AN F word that is doing its rounds — apart from Ferguson — is `faith'. Generally, it means belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof. This has been a word that most like to confine within the bedroom, or the puja room. But, oddly, audit firms are getting bogged down with this, ever since a whole bunch of partners announced that they "lost faith" in their senior partner based on his past and present conduct.

In our office, we have made a new rule that all the partners assemble in the conference room at the start of each new day, stretch our arms towards the centre of the table, pile our palms to say aloud, "I believe in double-entry but I won't double cross, I can account and you can count on me." We are constantly revising the pledge to make it more foolproof, but many of the other firms up the street have adopted more drastic steps.

For instance, Fire Walkers & Co in Flaming Lane has turned its bowling alley into a pit full of burning charcoal and partners are required to stroll down the `red carpet' before signing off an assignment. There is then Blood Bath & Associates that has an unwritten new rule that mandates the affixing of signature with pen dipped in fresh blood (that is, their own), and the more loyal ones who want to act as role models have been signing each page of their report that way.

A few crude neighbours are getting coconuts broken on the heads of their headmen before audit reports are finalised in a ritualistic ceremony, while the less adventurous get sworn statements with one hand on the chest and the other on the Bible, the Koran or the Gita.

As seasoned number-crunchers, most of us are not perturbed, because we have seen worse things, such as whole new provisions in law or mountains of accounting standards. We see routinely uncountable papers and irrational numbers, transactions that transcend logic, and deviations that are too much to measure with a 360-degree protractor. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, nor trap it with new gizmos. Can you?

hindubusinessline@hotmail.com

D. Murali

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